Archive - Marriage RSS Feed

Marriage Contract vs Covenant

November 9, 2011 in Cultural Connection, Marriage with 0 Comments

The tabloids went crazy last week because of the Kardashian divorce. This infuriates me for a few reasons:

1) I still don’t understand why anyone cares about the Kardashians. They’ve done nothing worth anything that I know of.

2) I cannot stand divorce. (Just to clarify, this does not mean I cannot stand divorced people. In fact, part of the reason I cannot stand divorce is the way it hurts the people who have to go through it).

3) I hate the fact that our country is at a place now where people laugh and say, “saw this coming!”

One of the main problems in our culture is that we understand marriage as a contract, not as a covenant. The difference may seem subtle, but it is tremendously important.

With this ring

Contract

In a contract involving two parties, you make the following agreement: Person A will give Person B something when Person B delivers something to Person A. For instance, when I was a young business mogel, mowing lawns in my neighborhood I (Person B) would get paid when I mowed the lawn for Person A. I delivered a service, and so received payment.

Many people view marriage in a similar context. Choosing two totally random names, let’s say Kim and Kris, the scene plays out like this. “I Kim, take you Kris, because you will make me happy. I’ll love you, because you brighten my day.”

The problem with this understanding of marriage is that, as anyone who has been married knows, there will be days when your spouse does not make you happy! When people start to feel unhappy about their marriage, they leave. Why? Because they think they got married to receive happiness from their contractual partner. When the service stops, so does the payment.

Covenant

A covenant, while still involving a mutual agreement, is quite different than a contract. In a covenant, Person A agrees to give Person B something, regardless of what Person B does. God loves us in this way. When we choose to believe in Him and follow Him, we are His no matter what.  In marriage, the application is simple:

“I, Kim, will love you Kris, regardless of how you act on any given day. Rather than waiting on you to serve me, I will choose to serve you and love you no matter what.”

If we understand marriage as a covenant, then, happiness is not a good excuse for leaving. Why? Because we vowed to stay and love even on days when we weren’t happy! We recognize that our marriage and commitment is more important. We stay together through the hard times, and the payoff is actually worth it. Studies have shown that divorced people do not become happier, and have even found that 2/3 of marriages that decide to stick together through hard times are much happier 5 years later.

The beauty of this, of course, is that when both people in a marriage see their relationship as a covenant, they will typically be pretty happy. Why? Because when each person seeks to serve and love the other, regardless of what the other is doing, both people end up receiving a lot more love and service than could have been possible in a self-serving contract relationship.

Remember, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Yes, there are extreme circumstances where even a covenant can be broken, but those decisions should not be taken lightly. Choose to love and serve your spouse, even on days when things are tough, and you’ll be blessed for it.

What is your favorite way to show your spouse that you love them?

Negativity Kills (Literally)

October 24, 2011 in Abundant Life, Cultural Connection, Handy Theology, Marriage with 2 Comments

Last year I read a simple, interesting book called “How Full is Your Bucket.”

I didn’t realize it at the time, but the book was extremely influential on me. Even now, rarely does a week go by where I do not think of the book’s simple message and see it’s usefulness in real life.

The Argument:

Despite being based in decades of scientific research, the concept is so simple it could be in a kid’s book (actually, it is in a kid’s book). Everybody has an imaginary “bucket” and “ladle.” When you say something encouraging or positive to another person, you fill their bucket. Most of us realize this, but we fail to notice that filling another person’s bucket also fills our own bucket.

Conversely, when we say something degrading or negative to another person, we dip out of their bucket. Again, when we dip out of someone’s bucket, we also dip out of our own bucket. It’s ironic, because most people who say condescending things are trying to feel better about themselves, but ultimately it makes them feel worse.

Negativity breeds negativity, and positivity creates positivity. The book had several fascinating case studies. Businesses around the country with negative work environments or negative employees lose billions of dollars every year compared to those in positive environments. They also predicted marriage success rates incredibly accurately after observing couples positive and negative interactions for merely 15 minutes.

It is seriously insane how much of a difference negativity or positivity can make in your life and the lives of others, but no case study stuck out to me more than the following:
Stay positive and click to read the rest

How to Survive the Pain

August 22, 2011 in Handy Theology, Marriage with 1 Comment

You know what Bible verse drives me nuts? This one:

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.” -Romans 5:3-4.

Here is my first thought: I can accept the idea that bad things can be used for good, but don’t tell me to “glory” in my sufferings!

But after more thoughts, I have to admit there is significant truth to this verse. Let me tell you a story…

Morgan and I got married on May 24th, 2009. Since I wanted to be an impressive husband, having a job was rather important to me. The job market was pretty tough, but fortunately I had something lined up. While the location wasn’t great, we could make it work and I would learn a lot there. There was one last step to my hiring process, and it was supposed to be the easiest hurdle for me.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t so easy. 8 days before the wedding, I learned the “locked up” job was not happening. Obviously, we didn’t stop the wedding. Fortunately Morgan already had a job so we could survive, but I still needed a job if we wanted to accomplish some major goals (grad school being the most prominent).

This was still an awesome day

I spent the entire summer looking for a job. I did interviews, changed up resumes, made connections, and did anything else I could think of to find a job.

Rejection, rejection, rejection.

This process did not feel good. I wrestled with confidence issues and kept wondering why God had not provided a job.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I knew God wanted to teach me something, but I kept fighting Him. When I finally stopped fighting and started listening, I stopped suffering and learned an amazing lesson!”

I’ve heard it, and so I told God a thousand times I was ready to listen and learn. But things still didn’t change. I’m not saying they won’t change for you, and you should definitely be willing to listen when God wants to teach you something. The only problem was, He was teaching me perseverance. Surprisingly, the only way to learn perseverance is to actually persevere.

Who knew?

I think learning perseverance can sometimes feel like metal's trip to the Blacksmith

God also had me waiting on His timing, because He had something amazing planned. In September, I finally landed a full time job at a church in Snellville. It is a great church and I am learning and doing so many incredible things there. Instead of having two 35 minute drives, both Morgan and I drive 8 minutes to work. Looking back, I know God wanted me here from the beginning. He had a bumpy road planned for me, but taught me some valuable lessons along the way.

When stuff gets tough in your life, I encourage you to praise God. I know from experience that it’s not easy, but it is essential. God really does have control and He is good. We know His love is certain because Jesus already died for us. Praising God reminds us of His goodness and gives us strength. Furthermore, I have seen his plans come into fruition, and they truly are good.

Praise also draws us into God’s presence. Considering He is easily the best option for helping you through suffering, being in His presence is your best bet at surviving the pain and growing stronger because of it.

We sang this song at church one day in the midst of my job hunt and it really encouraged me. It’s worth checking out and will help you praise God in the hard times:

Your turn: When did something hard or bad in your life actually work out for the good?

Summer: The Best Season

August 1, 2011 in Abundant Life, Humor, Marriage with 2 Comments

I love the summer. It is my favorite season. Why? Because it is the best season. Some people like Spring, Fall, and Winter, but they are all wrong. Summer is simply the best, it is science. If you need convincing, here are some reasons:

1) No School!
Granted, I am no longer in school. But there is still a sense of freedom associated with summer. I think I will stay up later than I am supposed to on summer nights for the rest of my life. Being married to a teacher is an added bonus, because I still get to feel the thrill of no school through her.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Warm Weather:
I live in Atlanta. Some people think it is too hot here in the summer, but I disagree. Nothing beats surviving the “treacherous” winters here and celebrating summer by wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Sure, I sweat a little bit more and need to shower at least twice a week, but that is all part of the thrill.

If I could wear shorts everyday, I would.

3) Summer Movies:
Ever since Jaws, the summer has been a time for incredible action movies to be released. Every year I am more excited for the summer’s releases than the last year. While many of them turn out to be disappointments, this year has actually genuinely impressed me. Some historic summer releases include Inception, Back to the Future, Independence Day, Jurassic Park, and of course the Sandlot.

My favorite summer robot

4) Vacation:
Summer and Vacation go together like Han Solo and Chewbacca. In fact, Morgan and I just returned from a wonderfully restful trip to the beaches of Mexico. I am really not sure how you could not like the beach. Listening to the waves, surrounded by beauty, going in and out of sleep as you relax, palm trees, and the list of awesomeness goes on.

Checking out Mayan Ruins in Tulum

5) The Braves
I love the Braves. Every summer I watch way too many games, attend less than I desire, and am convinced they will win the World Series again. In past years, I’ve probably been a little too optimistic, but this year I am sure I will be right.

Celebrating the Braves 10,000th win!

So here is to you summer! You are coming to an end far too early this year, but I look forward to our glorious reunion next year.

Your Turn: What is your favorite part of the summer?

2 Years Down, 68 to go…

May 25, 2011 in Marriage with 0 Comments

Morgan and I had our two year anniversary yesterday! My goal is to be married to her for at least 70 years. Ambitious? Yes. But if we both live into our 90s it will happen. 68 to go!

She is much better looking than me

It’s amazing how love can continue to grow throughout anything in life. We have had some awesome high moments this year! We went on a cruise to the Caribbean, Morgan finished her Masters, and we had a lot of fun living together. I love having her as a partner in adventure, and the more adventures we go on together the more I love having her around.

At the Mayan Ruins of Xunantunich

There were some interesting moments this year as well. Many of you may remember Morgan’s appendicitis, which she has fully recovered from. We’ve also experienced a deep tissue burn, multiple sinus infections, strep throat, and a strawberry overdose that resulted in hives. Even during those moments that are not exactly our favorite, it is awesome to see how God uses them to teach us to love through service and put the other person first.

Working on Lesson plans at 5AM day of surgery

Life in the education world these days is always interesting, but Morgan has worked very hard and excelled at a new school and a new grade level. We’re pumped to know she will be at the same place next year! She also started classes to get her specialist degree, almost immediately after finishing her masters degree. I am still in seminary (took my last final of the semester last night!) and so we are both working full time and in school most nights of the week. Neither of us like the fullness of our schedule, but we have worked hard to use the time we have together well so we never grow distant.

Now I may not be a marriage expert, but I do love my wife. I have seen over the last two years how important it is to put her first. Not only is she worth it, but it is crazy how often putting her first works out in my favor as well. When our marriage is going well, life is going well. Despite this common sense, it is amazing how much I need Christ to enable me to put her first. Apparently I am not naturally 100% selfless.

An Epic Moment, but certainly not our last

I have a stunningly beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, fun, and encouraging wife who lights up every room she walks into, and I couldn’t be more excited about year three.

Thrills, Chills, and Insane heat

April 12, 2011 in Marriage with 0 Comments

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. First off, I had about 60 hours worth of seminary work to do. On top of that, I went from Atlanta to St. Augustine to Orlando to Atlanta to Hilton Head and back to Atlanta in a just few days time.

And yes, it was awesome.

The first half of Spring Break I went down to St. Augustine with our High Schoolers and 8th graders. We camped at Anastasia State Park under some beautiful weather. One morning we went into town, and I must it was a very cool area. St. Augustine is the oldest town in America and I loved walking around it. The next morning we went and did some mission work at transition homes that move people off the streets and into self-dependance. Incredible ministry concept. Each afternoon was spent on the beach and was glorious. There was, however, some sort of Inch Worm invasion. These things were everywhere! Hanging from the trees, hanging from my ear, crawling on the ground, EVERYWHERE.

What happens when someone asks to take a picture of me by myself? Awkward wave, every time.

After St. Augustine, we took our students to Orlando. There we went to Northland Church, which was great, and then Islands of Adventure theme park.

I have never had a better day in a theme park. It rained most of the morning, so the park was absolutely empty for the rest of the day. There were literally no lines. We walked up to everything and had a great time riding things multiple times. I myself rode the Hulk, their best roller coaster, eight times. Two people I was with rode it 11 times.

This was delicious. Too bad they don't have it at QT.

The new Harry Potter world was fun as well. You can read about my feelings on Harry over here. They did a great job with the design. Despite the outrageous prices of chocolate frogs, I still had a great time riding the new ride and enjoying some frozen butterbeer (cream soda mixed with butterscotch, pictured above).

Sunset over Hogwarts and Jurassic Park

When the day in the park was over, I left with two other leaders to return to Atlanta. We arrived at 4AM. I slept until 9:30, and then Morgan and I went to Hilton Head with my parents for an equally awesome trip. It was the first time we could hang out and not have her Masters looming over her head (she finished a couple weeks ago!!!). We had a great time and felt more in love than ever before.

Sunset at the Lighthouse in Hilton Head (24 hours after Orlando)

On top of all this, I had a ton of seminary reading and a monstrous test this past Saturday. It was a ton of work, but I really saw the infallibility of God’s word and the awesome work of Christ on the cross in deeper and richer ways than ever before. In total, I was supposed to read 1050 pages, but only finished about 760 of them. As you can see from the picture below, the pages were rather thick.

Bavinck, an excellent writer. I just wish they picked a larger font.

Finally, we returned home on Saturday night. Sunday we went to church and our friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. We returned home to find our AC, which was set at 77, to be broken. The temp in our apartment was 90 degrees!!! Fortunately, someone could come and fix it, because that was some really intense heat for being inside.

I'm no mathematician, but something didn't add up here.

So, a great week of adventures. It was busy and tiring, but way more than worth it. What did you do for Spring Break?

Morgan’s Appendicitis

January 28, 2011 in Marriage with 2 Comments

After this week, I am wondering if I was really ready to change my tagline to “Seeking Life’s Great Adventure.” It turns out, adventure decided to find us and then took us for a crazy ride. I know many of you have been in prayer for us and have helped to take care of us this week, and Morgan and I could not be more thankful for all you did and are still doing! Appendicitis can get real scary, real quick and your prayers really held it at bay. Perhaps even more encouraging, last night she told me that she has sensed God’s presence in a big way throughout this whole week and we know your prayers are a big part of that. It is amazing to see God answering prayers!

Anyway, I thought this would be an easy way to tell the whole story of our “adventure” for anyone who was curious…

Monday morning Morgan went to work feeling wonderful. She had a field trip with her students that went very smoothly and was feeling good until they hopped on the bus to go home. Around 3pm, she started to feel sharp pains in her lower right side. Ironically, she wondered aloud if it could be appendicitis, but everyone decided it was probably just gas. As the day went on, she went to her Master’s class where the pain got worse. Two of her wonderful friends and classmates, Kelly and Katie, drove her home because the pain was so intense.

By the time she arrived home, I had decided we were going to the hospital. She argued for a bit, but eventually caved. We went to Emory Eastside at 9PM and sat in the waiting room until 11:30. Despite our phone calls telling them not to worry, her parents showed up to make sure she was fine (although now we are so grateful they came to be there for the whole ordeal). Unfortunately, there was no sign of us getting into an ER room at this point (some people had been waiting since 1pm!), so we decided to try another hospital. We quickly drove to Decatur to try the Emory University Hospital, or as I prefer to say, the Mothership.

This worked out much better. Within the hour we were in an ER room getting hooked up to the IV and morphine. I unfortunately, did not make it through the inserting of the IV. Whether it be my lack of sleep and water, the blood, or the look on Morgan’s face, I came as close to passing out as you can without actually losing consciousness while Morgan received her second IV. It was one of the worst moments of my life, but I guess that was God’s little way of reminding me who was really in control.

The doctor came in soon and did some checks on Morgan. Believing it to be appendicitis, she called for a cat scan. Morgan drank this nasty stuff to illuminate her colon and waited for two hours to get her scan done. We went in for the scan around 4 AM and around 4:30 the doctor told us that it was, indeed, appendicitis. The surgeon had been notified and we would be meeting with part of the surgery team in a couple hours. Surgery would happen later in the morning.

Up to this point, I still had not slept. Morgan had slept for about an hour or two while the “tasty” fluid was busy illuminating her digestive system. Now you may think that waiting on the surgeon team was a good opportunity to get some more sleep, but Morgan had other plans. She sat up from 5AM to 6AM writing her lesson plans for her students that day. I have to admit, she loves and cares for her students well! (Although I still think she should have slept).

Working on Lesson plans at 5AM

Sometime around 8, we had met with the surgeon team and were feeling good. We got moved up to a new room and Morgan was very excited to take a shower. While in this waiting room, we had a few great friends stop by and visit. Special shout outs to Brian, Scott and Laurel, CJ, and AJ. If you have ever spent 3 seconds with Morgan you know she is a people person and despite being exhausted, I know she loved having visitors.

We were concerned because they told us Morgan was not scheduled for surgery until 3, but God answered another prayer because she was sent down at 11 AM! The whole process took quite a bit of time (I have learned that hospital time is kind of like island time-always add at least an hour to whatever they say). The surgery they performed is called a “lapendectomy” and it is pretty amazing how it works. They made 3 small cuts, one of them in her belly button, and were able to operate using a tiny camera that let them see what was going on. This is a huge improvement from the giant slice they used to have to do in order to remove an appendix.

We were able to see her again around 4 PM. She seemed very tired, but already the sharp pain was gone! They quickly moved her into a nice room of our own that had a great view of the city. The nurses took care of her for the rest of the day and night and there were no more complications, which was another huge answer to prayer. We had several more visitors come who really gave a good ending to our day. Special shout outs to my Mom and Dad, CJ and her friend Will, Stalls and Amy, and Randy, Anita, and Sarah for visiting!

The Room had a great view!

Morgan’s parents finally left (and again, it was amazing how much they did for us) and we spent the night in the hospital and slept about as well as you can sleep in a hospital. I had only slept about 1-1.5 hours out of the last 40 and crashed rather easily in the recliner. Morgan slept really well too, but of course we woke up several times to nurses checking blood pressure and switching out fluids and everything else that nurses do.

Reading encouraging notes with AJ's iPad

There was some concern about Morgan’s blood pressure being very low in the morning, but after eating some and moving around it was back to normal. This was also the first time Morgan could eat anything solid in almost two full days, which was very exciting for her. Since there were no complications they let us check out around noon and we went home! Since then Morgan has been moving slow, but recovering a little bit more each day. She is also sore, but that is to be expected after surgery. We have had wonderful people bring us food (thanks to Kelly and Stephanie, the Goodgames, and the Nichols!) and are so humbled by how many prayers and comments and notes and food items we have received from everyone.

God is good. We are a part of a very good family of people who believe that and have shown us His goodness and we could not be more thankful for everything. This ride has been one crazy week and we are so glad to be resting on the tail end of it. We hope you are having a wonderful day and thanks for reading!

Victory! Finally going home!

Love Story

January 3, 2011 in Marriage, Videos with 0 Comments

A while back, I wrote out a story about the Way I fell in love with Morgan. You can read it right here: CLICK!

Or, you can watch this video of me telling it for our Pursuing Passion Weekend! I also give some insight into what love actually means…

The Christmas Letter: Director’s Cut

December 22, 2010 in Marriage with 0 Comments

I take it upon myself to write the Christmas letter for Morgan and I each year. Sadly, some of my jokes end up being edited out before the final cut. I am not really sure why…
Here is the original version with the parts taken out or changed in bold.

Dear Family and Friends,
We hope that you are having the hap-hap-happiest Christmas of all time! Well we’ve all done it. We’ve made it! Another year passed and life is humming along. Here are some of the highlights…

Morgan began the year by starting her Masters degree for teaching. She has worked really hard and will finish next April! Woohoo! Not to be outdone, Evan applied to become a Jedi Master. Apparently, that program is not offered on this planet so instead he decided to start attending seminary to get his Masters of Divinity.

We had an extremely fun summer as well. Morgan enjoyed some time off from teaching and our highlight was a cruise to Central America with Morgan’s family where we went snorkeling, saw the Mayan pyramids, and for some reason, we were frequently referred to as Gringos.

Sadly, our beloved Moo the Hamster left us for the Great Spinning Wheel in the sky. A few weeks later, however, Morgan surprised Evan with the news of a new Forester joining the family! His name is Jack, and he is brown, furry, and loves spinning in a wheel as much as Moo.

Morgan started teaching at a new school this year called Gwin Oaks Elementary. She is teaching 3rd grade and absolutely loves her students and thinks Gwin Oaks is an amazing school. Evan is still working at Grace Church as the Associate Student Director and could not be happier about his job. We both receive many opportunities to grow, learn something new daily, and work with wonderful people.

We hope that you are all doing extremely well. May the peace of Christ reign in your hearts as we celebrate the day of his birth. He has given us so much joy in our lives and our marriage and we pray he is doing the same for you!

Merry Christmas and God bless,
Evan and Morgan Forester

Just in case you are curious, here is the final version of the Christmas letter. Morgan added a paragraph that is quite good, but I just don’t understand why she took out “hap-hap-happiest Christmas”. Oh well. Merry Christmas everyone!

Dear Family and Friends,
Merry Christmas from our family to yours! Here is our life in 2010 at a glance…!
Morgan started her Masters degree in Early Childhood Ed. in January. She will finish next April, only to start her specialist degree in May. Not to be outdone, Evan began seminary to get his Masters of Divinity in August.

Over the summer, we decided to take a cruise to Central America with Morgan’s family. While cruising, we went snorkeling in Cozumel, saw Mayan ruins in Belize, and enjoyed some greatly needed R & R on the shores of Honduras.

At the Mayan Ruins of Xunantunich

Sadly, our beloved hamster Moo left us for the Great Spinning Wheel in the sky. A few weeks later, however, Morgan surprised Evan with the news of a new Forester joining the family! Don’t get too excited: his name is Jack, and he is brown, furry, and loves spinning in his wheel as much as Moo.

Showing off our Pumpkins at Bert's Pumpkin Patch

Morgan started the fall school year at a new school, Gwin Oaks Elementary, teaching 3rd grade. Evan is still working at Grace Church as the Associate Student Director and loves it. We both receive many opportunities to grow, learn something new daily, and work with wonderful people.

Snorkeling in Cozumel

We celebrated our first anniversary, bought our first SLR camera, and spent many late nights in front of Mario Kart. Evan has become quite the cook, and Morgan still spends most of her free time with the vacuum cleaner.

May the peace of Christ reign in your hearts as we celebrate the day of his birth.
Merry Christmas and God bless,
Evan and Morgan Forester

Keeping it Fresh

December 15, 2010 in Abundant Life, Marriage with 0 Comments

I really like being married.

I would even say I love it. No questions about it.

I mean seriously, have you ever met my wife? How could I not love it?

Although marriage is amazing, we have found that it is rather important to do fun and creative things with each other to keep things fresh. You never want to get too boring. After all, my 7th grade girlfriend dumped me for being too boring. Here are some of the things we have done this year to keep things fresh. Personally, I think the more childlike the action the more fun it can be.

1) Build a fort together: Our living room was turned into the best fort I have ever constructed.

2) Gwinnett County Fair Grounds: Nothing says fresh like spinning around under blinding lights so much you want to hurl for the next 3 days.

3) Video Games: I was blessed with a wife who loves all things Mario. Some of our most romantic moments involve us beating Bowser together in Super Mario 3, Super Mario Brothers Wii, and Super Mario Galaxy.

4) Cut down a Christmas Tree together: Thank you Clark Griswald for setting such a fine Christmas sthpirit example.

This Year's Christmas Tree

5) Surprise Work Visits: Nothing brightens the workday more than a RSS (Random Spouse Sighting).

6) Get out of the House!: Sometimes you just need to get out of the house. While nothing in the outside world seems more interesting than staying put, it always turns out that the outside world is better. We have gone to dinner, to lunch, to run, to playgrounds, to the post office, and more simply to be together outside of the house.

7) Hiking: I love the great outdoors. Fresh air and exercise always leads to fresh conversations.

8 ) Turn shopping chores into mini-dates: I’m not a big fan of shopping, but throw in a trip to Rita’s for some Italian Ice and that shopping trip turned into a mini-date. Of course, the mini-date should ever replace the normal date.

9) The ride is part of the adventure: We have learned that everything can be an adventure, it just depends on your attitude.

And now the real question, what are some great ideas for keeping things fresh!?

Page 1 of 212»